An Attempt to Eff the Ineffable - Transcript of “Knock, knock. Who’s There? Benedict Cumberbatch.” from BBC comedy sketch show “Lewis Macleod is Not Himself ” S1E01 (x)
It does a great job with imitating Benedict’s and Martin’s voice and delivery - and its observations are hilariously absurd yet not untrue at the same time.
“Ricky Gervais”: [as David Brent] Morning, Tim! Tim Bowler, Timbory-Tim, Timbory, Tim, Timbory Tim, Timboree! What are you doing?
“Martin”: Oh, er, you know, I’m just, you know, er … gazing despairingly at the camera like a perplexed hamster, as is my duty as the put-upon everyman character.
“Ricky Gervais”: Well, well, you know, just to whisper in your shell-like [?] *laughs raucously* - the new guy starts today. I said you could show him the ropes.
“Martin”: Fine, er … when’s he coming?
“Benedict”: [Sherlock voice] I’ve been observing you from the reception area for the last half an hour. That is to say, I’m already here. Don’t feel bad for not noticing me sooner. When I stand very still and don’t speak, I can easily be mistaken for an incredibly ornate and attractive hat stand. The kind you find in an antique shop that doesn’t have any price tags. Don’t touch - you can’t afford. Hello.
“Martin”: Good … er … yeah, good gracious. Erm, what are you?
“Benedict”: My name is long and ridiculous, like my face. They call me Benedict Cumberbatch.
*fairy tale harp chords* [medieval choral chant] Ben-ne-dict Cum-ber-baaatch!
“Benedict”: Don’t worry, that always happens.
“Martin”: Uh, OK, right, yeah. Um, OK, well, so, let’s give you the tour. Well, we’ve got, you know, the photocopier here …
“Benedict”: Pish, posh, and Duchy biscuits. You don’t think I actually care about your tedious office, do you?
“Martin”: Well, no, but I sort of imagined you’re here because -
“Benedict”: Oh, you beautifully obtuse little turnip of a man. I’m here because after Sherlock and the Hobbit, I’m now contractually obliged to appear in everything you ever do, shall do, have done, have so much as considered doing – don’t you understand, we go together like bangers and mash, like cream tea and scones, like a put-upon everyman character actor and a big posh flamboyant manic pixie dream boy with cheekbones you could balance a BAFTA on.
Is it a man? Is it several hyper-intelligent cats sitting on one another’s shoulders wearing a latex man-suit? Or is it an incredibly sexy horse that’s learned to walk on its hind legs and talk very very very fast?
“Martin”: Um … sorry, could you repeat all that please?
“Benedict”: No time, get down with me beneath this desk.
“Martin”: Why? Is there someone going to try to kill us or something? Or …
“Benedict”: [dramatic low voice] No, we just need to get uncomfortably close to one other and gaze homoerotically into each other’s eyes. Can you feel the tension? Can you? Can you … do you want to give me a little kiss? Oh you mustn’t - I’m an alabaster Adonis, don’t touch me!
“Martin”: Um, yeah, OK. Erm, bit weird, er … but still, less annoying than that Gervais guy. Erm, look, erm … how much longer is this going to go on for?
“Benedict”: For the rest of your life.
“Benedict”: Now, if you don’t mind, I have to exit dramatically through a window or something, for no reason other than it looks fantastic. Goodbye for now, put-upon everyman character actor. Remember my name.
“Martin”: *sighs* Ahhhh - I’ll never forget you, Bumblebee Cuttlefish!
Disney vs. 7 early fairytales
The 1812 version of Snow White is even worse when you consider that the girl was only seven years old in the tale (plus her unconscious body ended up being carted around by the prince until one of his servants accidentally woke her up). Also, in The Little Mermaid, the mermaid’s unable to speak because she had her tongue cut out >__<
But I’d love to see faithful adaptations of the original tales. Especially Bluebeard. We need a Bluebeard adaptation.
Actually, the original-original pre-Grimm Brothers’ stories that were passed around Europe via oral tradition are nowhere near as violent as the Grimm’s made them. Cinderella’s stepsisters were never ugly and kept their eyes, Snow White’s mother was not even a villain (instead a group of bandits were), and instead of spending the whole story napping Sleeping Beauty outwitted a dangerous bandit leader, wouldn’t let him sleep with her, and saved herself.
The original oral stories were radically changed by the Brothers Grimm to fit their personal and political beliefs. Most notably, they often added in female characters solely for the purpose of making them evil villains and took away most of the heroines’ agency and intelligence. Both brothers belonged to a small fanatical sect of Catholicism that vilified women because of the idea of Original Sin and Wilhelm in particular had a particularly deep hatred of women. The Grimms were actually pretty horrible people. Those cannibalistic queens and ugly stepsisters and the mass amount of violence against women didn’t exist until the Grimms wanted them to. Their ideas stuck so soundly though that we now assume they were in the original tales and that these terrible characters and ideas come out of some perceived barbaric Old World culture. But in truth they’re really the Grimms’ weird obsession with hating women showing through. The original oral folklore focused on the heroes’ and heroines’ good deeds and used them as ways to teach cultural norms and a society’s rules and encouraged girls to be quick-witted and street-savvy instead of passive princesses, and the Grimms promptly stripped that all away.
"Grimms Bad Girls and Bold Boys" by Ruth Bottingheimer is an excellent book on this
We had to read The Book of Lost Things for school and it’s Grimm level crazy
Not only that, you’re skipping out a really important thing: the brother’s grimm got those tales from WOMEN, women were the ones who would tell these tales orally and the brother’s grimm took them, altered them to be sexist and never gave the women credit. You can read Clever Maids the Secret History The Grimm Fairytales for more info
reblogging for the excellent commentary
a fucking pirate king at that
And it’s awesome because she started as this fucking proper Lady who was expected to marry a wealthy and accomplished, but one she did not love, but instead fell for the blacksmith and became a pirate, fucking shit up and taking names.
And she rocked every fucking second of her story, from Lady to Pirate King.